性与爱,男女大不同

做爱这回事,鸟儿不排斥,蜜蜂不排斥,男人好像也时刻准备着,但是到了女人这里,她们要先看看气氛够不够浪漫,老公有没有帮她们洗好碗。这话可能有点老套了,但是说的是不是事实呢?男性的性欲真的比女性强烈吗? 是的,他们的性欲确实比较强烈。无数研究表明男性的性冲动不仅比女性强烈,还更为直观易懂,而女性的性欲来源就没有那么容易辨别了。 人们普遍认为感情的牵绊是影响女性欲望的重要因素,但是她们的性欲似乎也受到了社会文化因素的重大影响。 芝加哥大学的社会学教授爱德华·O·劳曼(Edward O. Laumann)博士说:“女性的欲望极易受到环境和情景的影响。” 以下是专家总结的一些男女性欲的不同特点,当然总会有些人是与从不同的,并不能总以一个标准判断。 1. 男性考虑性的时间较多 大部分60岁以下的成年男性每天至少有一次会想到性行为,女性中达到这个频率的只有总人数的四分之一左右。上了年纪后男女对性行为的兴趣都有所下降,但是男性考虑性的次数还是女性的两倍。 佛罗里达州立大学的社会心理学家罗伊·鲍迈斯特(Roy Baumeister)开展过一次调查,对比了男性和女性的性欲,他发现男性更容易临时兴起欲望,他们考虑性的时间更多,对性的幻想也更加多样。 2. 男性更热衷于进行性行为 鲍迈斯特说:“在一段恋情开始时、进行中、乃至结束的多年后,男性都更想发生性行为。”不仅是异性恋群体如此,男同性恋在恋情的各个阶段做爱的次数都比女同性恋多。男性还希望一生中多几个性伴侣,偏爱一夜情。 即使是在被人看不起或违法的情况下,男性也更愿意尝试性行为。 劳曼说,约有三分之二的男性称自己会自慰,其中一半的人会因此感到羞耻但还是会做。相对而言,会自慰的女性只有40%左右,频率也比男性低。 在色情行业,主流仍是男性花钱找对象,女性花钱找对象的情况很少见。 修女也比神父更加忠贞。鲍迈斯特提及一项在数百名神职人员中进行的调查,62%的神父承认进行过性行为,而在修女中这个数值是49%。平均来说,男性有过的性伴侣数量多于女性。 3. 女性的性欲比男性复杂。 什么能引发女性的性欲?女性自己好像也没有答案。美国西北大学的研究人员梅雷迪思·奇弗斯(Meredith Chivers)及同事进行了一次实验。他们给男同性恋、男异性恋、女性观看了色情电影,之后询问他们是否感觉有了性欲,与此同时他们用仪器检测了实验对象的性欲水平。 男性的情况不出所料:男异性恋说看到男女、女女的画面时性欲强烈,仪器检测到的数据也与此一致;男同性恋看到男男的画面时有性欲,也与仪器检测结果一致。而女性的情况就出人意料了,女异性恋称看到男女画面时欲望最强烈,然而仪器检测到的结果是她们对男女、男男、女女画面的反应大致相同。 奇弗斯的同事、性学专家J·迈克尔·贝利(J. Michael Bailey)说:“男性比较刻板,能让他们兴起欲望的对象比较确定,他们清楚地知道想和哪种人做爱、想和哪种人恋爱。” 女性则相反,她们更容易接受同性之间的恋情,因为让她们产生性欲的对象不确定。贝利说:“女性与同性恋爱、做爱的可能性也许要高于男性,她们不一定真的会这么做,但是她们能接受。” 多项研究支持贝利的观点,这些研究指出女同性恋群体的流动性大于男同性恋群体。鲍迈斯特在另一项研究中还发现,很多女同性恋者也与男性做爱,而男同性恋基本上不与女性做爱。女性中双性恋者的数量也比男性多,很多人说她们选择性伴侣时不怎么在意性别。 4. 女性的性欲受到社会文化因素的影响较大。 鲍迈斯特称有些研究发现,女性对性的态度、她们的性行为及性欲等受到环境因素的多方面影响,而这种现象在男性中不常见。 与男性相比,女性对于各种性行为的态度很可能随着时间改变。 经常去教堂礼拜的女性对性的态度一般不会太放得开,但是男性却不会受这一因素的影响。 女性在做出关于性的决定时经常会受到同伴的影响。 受过高等教育的女性更愿意尝试多样的性行为,例如口交。教育会减小男女之间的差别。 女性口头坚持的对于性行为的看法往往与她们的实际行动不符,例如有些人反对婚前性行为,但是她们自己可能会在婚前进行性行为。 为什么女性的性欲较弱,还容易被其他因素影响呢?有些理论认为这与男权社会的现状有关,有些则认为这是因为男女对性的期望值不同。劳曼比较赞同社会生物学的观点。 他说男性非常希望通过性行为把自身的遗传物质传到下一代,而女性在挑选伴侣时就比较固执、谨慎了,因为最终怀孕、照顾孩子的一方是她们。女性更喜欢恋爱关系牢固的伴侣,这样的伴侣会留在她们身边,帮忙照顾孩子。女性也更倾向于选择物质上有保障的伴侣,这样的伴侣能更好地教育孩子。 5. 女性满足性欲的方式不如男性直接。 男性和女性获得性高潮的方式不同。纽约市的心理治疗师伊斯特·普莱尔(Esther Perel)说:“很多女性告诉我她们的性欲来自听到的甜言蜜语,对股间的刺激没有话语的刺激强烈。女性需要一个情景,因此浪漫史小说才如此流行。性对女性的吸引力主要是它所带来的期望,她们想知道能否实现期望,正是这种期望的心态让她们有了性欲。” 他还说女性的欲望“更易受到当时情景的影响,更加主观,是情绪的产物”,而男性则不同,他们不需要那么多的想象来辅助,性对于他们来说是一种简单而直白的东西。 但是男人也如女人一样,需要与人亲近、需要爱、需要维持一段感情。他们只是对性的看法不同。普莱尔说:“女性想要先沟通、先确立感情,之后才做爱;而对于男性来说性就是感情。男人通过性来表达自己柔情蜜意的一面,他们就是借此来表示亲近的。” 6. 女性的高温与男性有很大不同。 研究人员还难以量化男女性高潮中的各种数据,但是他们已经测出了男女达到性高潮所需的时间。男性从进入到射精平均用时4分钟,女性如果能达到高潮的话,通常需要10-11分钟左右的时间。 这就涉及了另一个大不相同的方面了:男女达到性高潮的频率相同吗?在有固定恋爱关系的男性中,75%的人总能达到高潮,而女性只有26%的人总能达到高潮。不仅如此,男女对自己的性伴侣的高潮情况的了解程度也不同,女性能准确说出对方达到高潮的频率,而男性说出的数字误差较大,他们认为女性达到高潮的概率是45%。 7. 女性的性欲不易被药物影响。 与女性相比,男性的性欲似乎受生理条件的影响较大,因此他们的性能力出现问题时可以比较轻松地通过药物解决。用药治疗勃起功能障碍或性欲下降的男性不在少数,而研制激发女性性欲的药就比较困难了。 洛杉矶希德斯·西奈医疗中心的内分泌学家格伦·布劳恩施泰因(Glenn Braunstein)博士是一位研究为女性进行睾丸素治疗的专家。他说睾丸素可以同时影响男性和女性的性欲,但是治疗男性性欲下降时见效的速度要比女性快得多;而且尽管用睾丸素治疗是有效的,但是在男人身上的疗效要高于女性。“激素能影响人的性欲,但是它对男性的影响要远大于女性。” 用睾丸素制成的阴翠沙(Intrinsa)已经在欧洲获批上市了,但是美国食品与药物管理局并没有批准其在美国的使用,因为长期的安全性无法保障。已经有很多医学家和精神病学家对此药表示了反对,他们并不认为女性性欲低是一种病,因此不需要用药物治疗。他们引用了期刊《妇产科》在去年发表的一项大型调查,调查结果表明约40%的女性在性生活中出现了问题,其中大部分是性欲低,但是只有12%的人为此感到苦恼。影响女性性欲的因素实在太多了,医生不应该首先就考虑使用药物应对,恰恰相反,药物应该是最后动用的东西。

Sex Drive: How Do Men and Women Compare?

Birds do it, bees do it, and men do it any old time. But women will only do it if the candles are scented just right -- and their partner has done the dishes first. A stereotype, sure, but is it true? Do men really have stronger sex drives than women? Well, yes, they do. Study after study shows that men's sex drives are not only stronger than women's, but much more straightforward. The sources of women's libidos, by contrast, are much harder to pin down. It's common wisdom that women place more value on emotional connection as a spark of sexual desire. But women also appear to be heavily influenced by social and cultural factors as well. "Sexual desire in women is extremely sensitive to environment and context," says Edward O. Laumann, PhD. He is a professor of sociology at the University of Chicago and lead author of a major survey of sexual practices, The Social Organization of Sexuality: Sexual Practices in the United States. Here are seven patterns of men's and women's sex drives that researchers have found. Bear in mind that people may vary from these norms. 1. Men think more about sex. The majority of adult men under 60 think about sex at least once a day, reports Laumann. Only about one-quarter of women say they think about it that frequently. As men and women age, each fantasize less, but men still fantasize about twice as often. In a survey of studies comparing male and female sex drives, Roy Baumeister, a social psychologist at Florida State University, found that men reported more spontaneous sexual arousal and had more frequent and varied fantasies. 2. Men seek sex more avidly. "Men want sex more often than women at the start of a relationship, in the middle of it, and after many years of it," Baumeister concludes after reviewing several surveys of men and women. This isn't just true of heterosexuals, he says; gay men also have sex more often than lesbians at all stages of the relationship. Men also say they want more sex partners in their lifetime, and are more interested in casual sex. Men are more likely to seek sex even when it's frowned upon or even outlawed: About two-thirds say they masturbate, even though about half also say they feel guilty about it, Laumann says. By contrast, about 40% of women say they masturbate, and the frequency of masturbation is smaller among women. Prostitution is still mostly a phenomenon of men seeking sex with women, rather than the other way around. Nuns do a better job of fulfilling their vows of chastity than priests. Baumeister cites a survey of several hundred clergy in which 62% of priests admitted to sexual activity, compared to 49% of nuns. The men reported more partners on average than the women. 3. Women's sexual inclinations are more complicated than men's. What turns women on? Not even women always seem to know. Northwestern University researcher Meredith Chivers and colleagues showed erotic films to gay and straight men and women. They asked them about their level of sexual arousal, and also measured their actual level of arousal through devices attached to their genitals. For men, the results were predictable: Straight men said they were more turned on by depictions of male-female sex and female-female sex, and the measuring devices backed up their claims. Gay men said they were turned on by male-male sex, and again the devices backed them up. For women, the results were more surprising. Straight women, for example, said they were more turned on by male-female sex. But genitally they showed about the same reaction to male-female, male-male, and female-female sex. "Men are very rigid and specific about who they become aroused by, who they want to have sex with, who they fall in love with," says J. Michael Bailey, a Northwestern University sex researcher and co-author with Chivers on the study. By contrast, women may be more open to same-sex relationships thanks to their less-directed sex drives, Bailey says. "Women probably have the capacity to become sexually interested in and fall in love with their own sex more than men do," Bailey says. "They won't necessarily do it, but they have the capacity." Bailey's contention is backed up by studies showing that homosexuality is a more fluid state among women than men. In another broad review of studies, Baumeister found many more lesbians reported recent sex with men, when compared to gay men's reports of sex with women. Women were also more likely than men to call themselves bisexual, and to report their sexual orientation as a matter of choice. 4. Women's sex drives are more influenced by social and cultural factors. In his review, Baumeister found studies showing many ways in which women's sexual attitudes, practices and desires were more influenced by their environment than men: Women's attitudes towards (and willingness to perform) various sexual practices are more likely than men's to change over time. Women who regularly attend church are less likely to have permissive attitudes about sex. Men do not show this connection between church attendance and sex attitudes. Women are more influenced by the attitudes of their peer group in their decisions about sex. Women with higher education levels were more likely to have performed a wider variety of sexual practices (such as oral sex); education made less of a difference with men. Women were more likely than men to show inconsistency between their expressed values about sexual activities such as premarital sex and their actual behavior. Why are women's sex drives seemingly weaker and more vulnerable to influence? Some have theorized it is related to the greater power of men in society, or differing sexual expectations of men when compared to women. Laumann prefers an explanation more closely tied to the world of sociobiology. Men have every incentive to have sex to pass along their genetic material, Laumann says. By contrast, women may be hard-wired to choose their partners carefully, because they are the ones who can get pregnant and wind up taking care of the baby. They are likely to be more attuned to relationship quality because they want a partner who will stay around to take care of the child. They're also more likely to choose a man with resources because of his greater ability to support a child. 5. Women take a less direct route to sexual satisfaction. Men and women travel slightly different paths to arrive at sexual desire. "I hear women say in my office that desire originates much more between the ears than between the legs," says Esther Perel, a New York City psychotherapist and author of Mating in Captivity. "For women there is a need for a plot -- hence the romance novel. It is more about the anticipation, how you get there; it is the longing that is the fuel for desire," Perel says. Women's desire "is more contextual, more subjective, more layered on a lattice of emotion," Perel adds. Men, by contrast, don't need to have nearly as much imagination, Perel says, since sex is simpler and more straightforward for them. That does not mean that men do not seek intimacy, love, and connection in a relationship, just as women do. They just view the role of sex differently. "Women want to talk first, connect first, then have sex," Perel explains. "For men, sex is the connection. Sex is the language men use to express their tender loving vulnerable side," Perel says. "It is their language of intimacy." 6. Women experience orgasms differently than men. While researchers find it tricky to try to quantify issues like the differing quality of male vs. female orgasms, they do have data on how long it takes men and women to get there. Men, on average, take four minutes from the point of entry until ejaculation, according to Laumann. Women usually take around 10 to 11 minutes to reach orgasm – if they do. That's another difference between the sexes: how often they have an orgasm during sex. Among men who are part of a couple, 75% report that they always have an orgasm, as opposed to 26% of the women. And not only is there a difference in reality, there's one in perception, too. While the men's female partners reported their rate of orgasm accurately, the women's male partners reported that they believed their female partners had orgasms 45% of the time. 7. Women's libidos seem to be less amenable to drugs. With men's sex drives seemingly more directly tied to biology when compared to women, it may be no surprise that low desire may be more easily treated through medication in men. Men have embraced drugs as a cure not only for erectile dysfunction but also for a shrinking libido. With women, however, the search for a drug to boost sex drive has proved more elusive. Testosterone has been linked to sex drive in both men and women. But testosterone works much faster in men with low libidos than women, says Glenn Braunstein, MD an endocrinologist and chair of the department of medicine at Cedars Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles and a leading researcher on testosterone treatments in women. And while the treatments are effective, they are not as effective in women as in men. "There is a hormonal factor in [sex drive], but it is much more important in men than women," Braunstein says. A testosterone patch for women called Intrinsa has been approved in Europe but was rejected by the FDA due to concerns about long-term safety. But the drug has sparked a backlash from some medical and psychiatric professionals who question whether low sex drive in women should even be considered a condition best treated with drugs. They point to the results of a large survey published in the journal Obstetrics & Gynecology last year, in which about 40% of women reported some sort of sexual problem -- most commonly low sexual desire -- but only 12% report feeling distressed about it. With all the factors that go into the stew that piques sexual desire in women, some doctors say that a drug should be the last ingredient to consider, rather than the first.