产后,怎样恢复健康性生活

孕育宝宝是人生的一件大事,同时也是伟大的事业。然而,无论多么疼爱自家新出生的小宝宝,你都应该意识到,在全心照顾孩子的同时,你牺牲了自己的夫妻生活。 纽约长老会医院暨维尔康奈尔医疗中心的精神科医生盖尔·萨尔察(gail saltz)博士用直白的话评论了这一现象:“宝宝就是性生活杀手。” 萨尔察博士专门研究性爱疗法,著有《涟漪效应:性爱改善生活质量》一书。她说,生下孩子后要恢复正常的性生活是一件不容易的事情,但是这件事情非常必要,很多夫妻都无法顺利解决。“这事不好办,但肯定是能办成的。”关键是要对自己产后的身体和精神状况有一个理性的认识。 从医生处得到许可 大部分情况下,女性在分娩的4到6周后就能得到医生的许可,可以恢复夫妻生活了。 在恢复性生活之前,确保自己的身体不会排出产后阴道分泌物了,也就是被称为“恶露”的东西。无论是自然生产还是剖腹产,所有女性在生产后的数周内都会断断续续排出一些恶露。如果在此症状停止前就进行性行为,那么女性很容易感染。 如果生产时进行了剖腹产,刀口缝的针数较多,那么可能要晚一些才能恢复夫妻生活。刀口没有长好的话,很容易裂开,如果真的裂开了要马上去医院。 睡眠不足让人失去性欲 新妈妈大多因为极度疲劳而失去对性生活的兴趣。 特别是最开始的时候,新生儿每两到三小时就要醒来吃一次奶,不分白天晚上。这种情况会持续数月之久,而美国国家睡眠基金会的数据显示,30%的孩子在9个月大的时候还不能一觉睡到天亮。 在这种每天晚上都要醒来照料孩子的情况下,你有时会觉得自己就是一台叫做“妈妈”的机器,对很多事情都完全失去了想法和欲望。 萨尔察说,孩子的爸爸可能跟你一样累,但是他们可能仍然对性保持着兴趣。对于他们来说,性爱是一种放松的方式,他们也可以借此机会与自己的老婆产生更加亲密的感情。而且他们也不需要过多的事前准备。与此相反,大部分女性需要先说说私密话、进行前戏才能产生欲望。 如果疲劳成了夫妻生活中的主要障碍,萨尔察的建议是跟丈夫直接谈谈这个情况。 “对他说:‘我不是不想跟你亲热,只是实在是太累了。’” 然后可以尝试一些新颖的解决方法。萨尔察说可以让你的丈夫看管孩子一会儿,这样你就可以休息了,也可以为夫妻生活做些准备。最好在早晨进行性行为,这时候你们双方都适当休息过了,精神比较好。应该时不时地拜托亲人朋友帮你们照看一下孩子,或是请一个临时看孩子的保姆,保证夫妻双方有过二人世界的机会。当然也可以趁宝宝睡着的时候行动。 但是孩子随时都可能醒过来,说不定会撞上最糟糕的时机。 著名医院克利夫诊所的妇产科医生艾丽莎·罗丝(elisa ross)博士说:“所以大家应该保持一定的幽默感。反正这种情形不会延续很久的。” 产后的激素变化与性生活 激素变化也是产后夫妻生活不和谐的一个原因。分娩后,女性体内的雌激素水平下降,阴道分泌物也会减少,此时进行性生活可能引起疼痛、缺少快感。 有一个解决方法是做爱时使用润滑剂。 也可以尝试不同的体位,女上位可以让女性控制局势、少受伤害。 如果没有润滑剂,或者性爱会引起其他病症,应该跟你的丈夫如实地解释,告诉他你需要慢慢适应。记得要向妇科医生咨询相关问题。 哺乳期结束或者月事重新开始后,润滑的问题往往会自然解决。 产后抑郁症也可能影响产后的激素变化,使女性失去性欲。产后抑郁的女性往往感觉悲伤、焦虑、易怒、心情不好,这种情况可能持续几周到几个月的时间不等。一旦出现这种情形,就要去看医生,特别是你感觉情况越变越糟的时候,或是你大部分时间都觉得绝望和伤心的时候。 哺乳是一个问题 母乳喂养的好处数不胜数,但是却可能给产后的夫妻生活带来些问题。 如果新妈妈花费了大把的体力和精力来喂养孩子,那么她们的身体和思想可能都做不好恢复夫妻生活的准备。 萨尔察说:“宝宝一直挂在你身上,一直抱着你,还要吸吮乳头吃奶,这么一天下来你早就腻了,根本不想接触人。”这种时候,她们的丈夫往往会感到挫败,觉得自己被忽视了。 对丈夫表示同情也很重要,甚至比得上对他们表示热爱。让你的丈夫把心里的感受说出来,你们可以一起舒解他的情绪。 如果时常给宝宝喂奶或用奶泵吸奶的话,乳房会变得过于敏感,碰都不想给人碰一下。 哺乳中的女性的乳房被抚摸后可能流出奶水,也许夫妻双方都会因此扫兴。性生活的过程中,奶水也可能不自觉地流出来。 如果你担心奶水流出或者乳房很敏感,可以在性生活期间带着胸罩。 身体内外的变化 正常体重的女性在怀孕期间通常会增重25-35磅(约22-32斤),孩子出生后想恢复体重,可能要花不少时间。而且孩子出生时还新长出了妊娠纹,如果进行了剖腹产,肚子上还会有疤,也难怪很多女性在产后对自己的身体不满意,总是忧心忡忡、感觉郁闷,连提都不想提起。 如果你觉得自己身材不好了,来自丈夫的夸奖能让你好受很多。 萨尔察说:“也许你会觉得惊讶,但是很多很多人会认为你还是很性感的。我所听说的情况大部分都是如此。” 在尝试恢复身材的过程中,让你的丈夫也帮一把手。例如,可以让对方照看孩子半个小时,让你腾出手来锻炼,还可以让对方负责做饭,准备有利于健身的食物。 萨尔察还提议买些女性塑体内衣,穿上后能掩盖新出现的问题,让自己更加性感。 另外一个身体变化是针对自然生产的女性的,生产过程中她们的阴道受到扩张,可能不如以前紧致了,性生活中得到的快感可能因此降低。 罗丝说有的人过一段时间后能够恢复,但是也有些人一生都恢复不了了。 可以尝试练习“克格尔体操(kegel exercises)”,改善骨盆附近肌肉的情况。重复舒张和收缩此处的肌肉也有利于阴道的恢复。 无论你的身体出现了什么变化,都要尽力接受和包容,因为这就是成为母亲所必经的事情。 面对真正的问题 如果除了生理上的因素,还有其他问题让你无法恢复夫妻生活,也许你应该想想是不是你们夫妻之间的感情出现了什么问题。 萨尔察说:“问问你自己:‘到底是什么让我感觉不舒服,不想跟老公亲热来表示亲密了呢?” 有一个常见的心理问题就是新妈妈感觉愤怒和怨恨。因为自己要天天待在家里把屎把尿,而对方却得以重归“真实的世界”,能够做些“正常”的事情,比如他可以上班、可以跟成年人相处。 萨尔察说:“如果你为了什么事情在跟对方置气,那你肯定不想跟他亲热。” 其他常见的心理问题包括对自己的身材过分在意,以及精神极度疲劳。 以上问题大部分可以通过谈话解决,跟丈夫好好地谈谈,你可以放心依赖他的帮助,这会让双方感觉两人在并肩作战。 别忘了你们可以进行咨询。罗丝建议孩子出生后,每对夫妻都至少应该主动进行一次心理咨询,如此一来可以把小问题早早扼杀,以免它们像雪球一样越滚越大。 另寻解决方法 萨尔察说:“性生活的目的是互相取悦,有不同的方法可以达成此目的。” 如果你还不能完全适应性爱,可以考虑用手、用嘴来取悦对方,也可以给对方进行比较色情的按摩,这样也可以跟你的丈夫变得更亲密。 即使你不想进行性生活,也应该表现出对对方的爱意。多多亲吻和拥抱对方,多牵牵手,也可以彼此搂抱一会儿,或者给对方做个脚底按摩,让他放松一下。这些适合在白天做,可以让彼此感觉对对方的情谊和亲密感还存在着。 坦然接受新变化 虽然每个人的情况都不尽相同,但是美国梅约诊所称,女性在产后遇到的性爱问题在一年内都会有所改善。 宝宝出生的第一年,母亲从身体上来说比较劳累。在这段时间,宝宝的父母双方都得接受现实,他们不可能像过去一样没有顾虑地进行夫妻生活。 也许,说夫妻生活永远也回不到没有孩子时那样了还比较准确。 比如说,你们可能要特别给性生活安排时间,事情变得一点也不浪漫了。但是如果不这样做,你们可能因为太忙碌而完全没有亲热的机会,因此这个策略还是必需的。 随着孩子的成长,你们的夫妻生活可能不断出现新的问题,要不断制定“新策略”。 但是,萨尔察说:“关键不是你们能保障多少夫妻生活,而是如果不进行性生活,你们之间会出现什么问题。如果一方一直遭到拒绝,夫妻关系很容易出岔子,因此相关问题必须尽早解决,要不然就晚了。” 同理,如果夫妻双方都对较少的性生活没有异议,那么以上所说的就都不是问题了。

Your Sex Life After Baby

having a baby is an amazing, life-changing experience. but no matter how in love you are with your little one, caring for a newborn can take a serious toll on your sex life. to put it bluntly: “babies are sex killers,” says psychiatrist gail saltz, md, at new york-presbyterian hospital/weill cornell medical center. though getting back in the sexual swing of things can be tough, it’s a necessary process that challenges most couples, says saltz, who specializes in sex therapy and is author of the ripple effect: how better sex can lead to a better life. “it’s difficult, but doable,” she says, as long as you have reasonable expectations of yourself and your body. getting the green light to have sex after baby most women receive the ok from their doctors to have sex between four to six weeks after delivery. before you start up again, you should no longer have any postpartum vaginal discharge, known as lochia. regardless of a vaginal or c-section delivery, all women who give birth go through this period for a few weeks afterward. having sex before the discharge stops puts you at risk of infection. if you had a lot of stitches during childbirth, getting the ok to resume sex may take even longer. stitches that have not fully healed risk opening up. if that happens, see your doctor immediately. lack of sleep smothers your sex drive for moms of newborns, sheer fatigue is perhaps the biggest roadblock to feeling sexy again. especially at the beginning, a new baby is usually awake to feed every two or three hours around the clock. this pattern can go on for months. about 30% of babies still aren't sleeping through the night by nine months of age, according to the national sleep foundation. while the nighttime wakings continue, it may feel like you’ve become a mommy machine, devoid of sensation and desire. dad might be just as tired. but men are still more likely to be interested in sex. to them, it’s often a way to relax and help feel emotionally close to you, saltz says. and they don’t need much of a warm-up before diving into sex. in contrast, most women need some talk and foreplay to become aroused. if fatigue is what’s keeping you from getting your sex life back, the first thing to do is talk with your partner about it, advises saltz. “tell him, ‘i really am tired, but i want to have sex with you,” saltz says. then do some creative problem solving. saltz suggests asking your partner to watch the baby so you can rest up and get into the mood. also, aim for early morning sex, when you’ve both had a chance to catch some zzz’s. lean on your family or friends or a sitter so you can have some time without the baby. or give it a shot when junior is napping. of course, your baby might wake up at the worst possible moment. “that’s why it’s important to have a sense of humor about the whole situation. remember that it’s not going to last forever,” says cleveland clinic ob-gyn elisa ross, md. postpregnancy hormones and sex hormones are part of the sex problem, too. estrogen levels go down after delivery. that can cause a shortage of vaginal lubrication, which can make sex painful or less pleasurable. a simple solution: use a topical lubricant during sex. experiment with different positions, too -- being on top may allow you more control during penetration, saltz says. if a lack of lubrication makes sex hurt, or if sex causes pain for a different reason, explain to your partner that you need to take it slowly. be sure to discuss the pain with your gynecologist. lubrication issues usually go away after you stop breastfeeding or after your period resumes, ross says. hormonal changes after childbirth might also be related to postpartum depression, which can stymie sexual desire. these feelings of sadness, anxiety, irritability, or just having the blues may last for a few weeks or even months. talk to your doctor if you are having these feelings, especially if they worsen or if you feel hopeless or sad most of the time. breastfeeding may get in the way breastfeeding has many benefits. but it can create several pitfalls when you try to resume your sex life. spending tremendous amounts of physical and emotional energy feeding baby may block access to a nursing mom’s sexual mind and body. “the baby is physically on you, sucking on you, cuddling you - leaving you ‘touched out’ by the end of the day,” saltz says. partners often say it leaves them feeling frustrated and left out. compassion is just as important as passion. let your partner bring these feelings out into the open, so you can address them together. constant nursing or pumping milk can make your breasts feel so tender you just don’t want to be touched there. caressing a nursing woman’s breasts may cause her milk to let down, which can be a turnoff for both partners. orgasm sometimes can also make milk involuntarily release. if you’re worried about leakage or tenderness, try keeping your bra on during sex, ross says. body changes, inside and out during pregnancy, a normal-weight mother typically puts on about 25-35 pounds. it can take a while to shed those extra pounds after the baby is born. add on newly acquired stretch marks and a fresh scar if you’ve had a c-section, and it’s no wonder so many women say they feel self-conscious, turned off, and even depressed about their new body. if you’re not feeling so hot about how you look, your partner's positive feedback can go a long way. “you’d be surprised how many people say they still find you quite sexy. that’s what i usually hear,” saltz tells webmd. enlist your mate’s help in working toward your body goals. for example, you can ask for a half hour to exercise while they watch baby, or for more support in preparing healthy meals. meanwhile, saltz suggests buying some lingerie that makes you feel sexy while strategically covering up some of your new problem areas. another physical issue is that delivering vaginally usually stretches the vaginal walls, which could decrease friction and thus reduce sexual enjoyment. it can take a while for those muscles to resume their original tone. for some, it never does, according to ross. try some kegel exercises to tone your pelvic muscles. the repetitive tightening and releasing of those muscles can also help heal the area after vaginal tears. with all the changes that might be happening to your body, try your best to embrace them as a part of motherhood. be honest about what's holding you back if you’re still having trouble resuming your sex life -- apart from physical issues -- it might be time to take a look at what’s going on emotionally in your relationship. “ask yourself, ‘what is making me uncomfortable enough that i don’t want to express intimacy with my partner through sex?’” saltz says. one of the typical emotional blocks is the feeling of anger or resentment about being home changing diapers all day while your spouse rejoins the “real world” and does “normal” things like working outside the house and talking to other grownups. “if you’re angry about something, you’re not going to want to have sex with them,” saltz says. other big emotional hang-ups are usually from self-consciousness about your body and mental fatigue. many of these problems can be addressed through discussion with your partner. relying on your mate’s support underscores to both of you that you’re in this together. don’t forget couples counseling. ross recommends that every couple proactively seek therapy at least once after having a baby. it might help resolve smaller problems before they can snowball into something bigger. explore the alternatives “sex is about pleasuring each other and there are many ways to do that,” saltz says. if you’re not up for full-blown intercourse, consider oral sex, manual stimulation, and erotic massage as ways to feel closer to your lover. even when you’re not feeling sexual, make an effort to express your affection. try kissing, hugging, holding hands, cuddling, or giving a relaxing foot rub. remember to do that during the day to keep alive your feelings of connectedness. accepting the new normal although it varies from person to person, most sexual issues women experience after pregnancy get better within the first year, according to the mayo clinic. that first year with baby is physically intensive. during this time, both partners need to accept they might not be having as much sex as they did before. it’s also realistic to think that you may not ever go back to the way it was pre-baby. for example, scheduling sex might become the not-so-romantic norm for a while. but if the other option is missing out altogether because your lives are too hectic, then it’s a necessary strategy. with each stage of your family’s development, you may enter a “new normal” with sex. “but it’s not about how much sex you’re having. it’s about how unhappy you each might be about not having it,” saltz says. “if one partner feels denied all the time, it creates a vulnerability in the relationship... these problems have to be addressed before it’s too late.” similarly, if you’re both fine with not having sex as much, you’re ok.